Dear First Love (or simply "Jeremy")

Source: Postsecret

I know there are things that remind you of me, even though your friends crossed out my name on your bedroom wall and ripped my 14 page letter to shreds.

Do you remember that time when we walked down to the park, and how it started raining, and right there in the middle of a storm, I told you that I'd always wanted to kiss in the rain? So we stood in the middle of a kiddie playground, rain falling on us, our lips slippery and clumsy, kissing our hearts out...madly in love.

Do you remember the first time we both got completely naked with each other - and how we were both too awkward to ever actually have sex? What about when you called me at the end of the summer after we broke up, almost a year of not seeing each other, and told me you wanted to kiss me one last time? The way you're the only boyfriend I ever had that called me "Jess" routinely. Your mom getting mad at me for being slutty enough to give you your first visible hickies...how I taught you how to kiss like a fucking pro. Our make-out sessions were simply amazing.

I remember the hurt in your voice when I told you that you had to stop calling because I was dating someone and we couldn't keep having phone sex like it wasn't some form of cheating. I wonder if you knew how much it hurt, 2 years later, when you wouldn't even reply to my Myspace messages yourself wishing you a happy birthday and instead had your girlfriend send me threats.

When you were in that horrible car accident and Frankie died, the first thing you said to me when I visited you in the hospital was, "Your birthday...it was yesterday." I couldn't believe you remembered my birthday even with an IV in your arm and bandages around your head. All of your friends told me how you wore that Green Bay baseball cap that I bought you for Christmas almost every day until you lost it.

May 11th of every year, I remember that you're another year older. October 18th of every year, I remember that first night we met at the high school football game where our rival schools were playing each other. I wonder if it reminds you, and I wonder if my birthday rings a bell.

I feel sorry for how your life turned out sometimes. I don't think it's right that she took advantage of the low place that you were in when your best friend died...and then lied to you about the fact that she couldn't get pregnant so you didn't use protection, only for her to get knocked up the next month. I'm upset at her for coming between us when I had no intentions for us except friendship.

I don't think of you daily, not even weekly. I'm sure it's the same for you. You're married and have a kid...I'm in school and in a long-term relationship - both situations don't leave much room for reminiscing. But sometimes something like this will happen, and all of a sudden I'm flooded with so many thoughts and memories, sound clips and voice clips. I hope you're happy because I am.

All of your friends (save one who was my friend too) and your sisters, all of whom added ME on Facebook, now have deleted me and I suppose that means any and all ties to you have been officially severed. It's not surprising, but it still made me sad.

Thank you, Jeremy, for being my first love. Thank you for allowing me to be yours. I've moved on, and so have you, but I refuse to do anything with the memories I have of you but to treasure them.