Happy Mothers' Day

From a forum that I frequent, I responded to a thread entitled "I hate Mothers' Day" with this:

Mothers' and Fathers' days are always so weird for me.

When I was a kid, I celebrated them opposite of each other ("Mothers' Day" was actually when I got my dad something and vice versa) because I lived with my dad during the schoolyear and my mom during the summer. Instead of celebrating from afar, it was easier to switch the holidays.

Now that I'm older I find that I don't really celebrate it beyond calling each parent involved and making a point to say "Happy ____ Day!" with an Ily thrown in.

On a day when I'm supposed to celebrate my mother, I find myself wondering what I have learned from her.  I learned that it's a bad idea to get married when you're 19, and an even worse idea to have a baby when you're 21.  I learned that if you do these things, and you decide that it's not working out for you, it's a bad idea to subject the children to a messy divorce where you and your partner are emotionally distraught during all waking hours.  I have come to understand that it's a terrible idea to get married to someone who is exactly like your ex-husband, except more jealous, more codependent and more controlling just because he has a degree and a better handle on finances.  I acquired the knowledge that leaving your son and daughter to move with said husband out of state will most likely result in them resenting you in some way.

Most of all, what I have learned from my mother is that we are all human.  One of the hardest things to accept as a teenager is that your parents are imperfect.  I had to face this disheartening fact early on in my life, but it is only in the last couple of years that I have fully embraced and accepted it.

So on this day, when we celebrate mothers everywhere, I find myself looking past my mother's flaws and mistakes and bad choices.  I remember the woman who put me in her lap and taught me how to read.  In particular, I remember how she bought me an entire set of The Little Mermaid treasure chest books and would read them to me over and over, doing all of the voices for the characters.  Sebastian the crab was my favorite.  I think of how she used to scratch my back for hours if I asked for it.  I think back to her letting me learn how to parallel park on her car, me crashing the damn thing into a brick wall in some type of freak accident in the carport, and her handling my stepfather like a pro about the whole thing.  My mind fills with all of those times we went grocery shopping when I would come out to visit, and how she would let me put whatever I wanted in the cart.  My mom was at my school plays, my softball and basketball games, my awards ceremonies.  She took over my Girl Scout troop and planned fun events.  She let me sell boxes of cookies at the bowling alley where she played in a league, at work where I'm sure it annoyed her friends, and sometimes even door-to-door.  One time when I changed my mind right before trick or treating on Halloween, she tapped into her true creative genius and made me a brand new costume, an alien, from scratch in about 20 minutes.  That was one of many costumes, clothing and pillows she created for me over the years.  My mother told me she was proud of me when I hit a girl back because I didn't let her push me around.  She cried when I graduated from middle school, and again when I received my diploma in high school.  She let out a whooping yell in that way of hers when I was accepted to nursing school, and has listened on the phone several times while I've lamented about how hard it truly kicks my ass.

I love you, Mom.  I've learned a lot from you, and even though I'll never admit it, you were right so many times.  The boys did just want sex.  My grades did matter.  I was special, but that didn't mean that everyone else wasn't.  I was beautiful and needed to open up.  I know you did the best you could, and you made the choices that you thought were the best.

I'm forgiving you for all of the hurt you unintentionally caused me over the years.  Because none of us are perfect, and it's obvious that I'm no exception, and in my humble opinion, you gave me the tools I needed to succeed and be my own person.  No matter who disapproves, I know that I will always have a choice to be who I want to be, and do what I want to do.  No one taught me that better than you.  I love you.