Why I am a bad person.

1. I get angry, like hell's fire angry, over things that I shouldn't, like dropping my keys on the ground, someone looking at me weird or my cat knocking something over.
2. I normally look to someone or something else as an excuse for my behavior.
3. I use my boyfriend as a punching bag.
4. I prefer my friends to do things on my terms, my way, on my schedule.
5. I'm not open to trying new things unless I am already interested.
6. I'm judgmental.
7. I've kissed other people while I've been in a relationship.
8. I'm a terrible gossip.
9. I'm jealous of everyone, even my friends, in a horrible way.
10. I let my childhood be an excuse for everything I do wrong.
11. I go on and on about things for forever, I can never just let things go.
12. I would rather numb my pain through drugs, alcohol, masturbation or destructive behavior than deal with it.
13. I've made appointments with a therapist at college twice now, and both times not gone to them because I didn't want to deal with it.
14. I have lied to professors more times than I can remember in order to avoid ruining my GPA because of absences in classes that have attendance policies.
15. I have forged doctors' notes for the same reason.
16. I intentionally ignore phone calls for no other reason than I don't feel like talking.
17. I barely visit my father and stepmom even though they live 20 minutes away.
18. I'm horrible with money.  I spend what I don't have, and then I use my credit cards when my real money is gone.
19. Try as I might, I still have problems with lying.  I wonder if I always will.
20. The reason I haven't gotten a job yet is because I haven't been able to pass a drug screen and was unwilling to take the chance of failing.
21. I insult people for things they can't help, in particular my ex-best friend for her gummy smile.
22. I'm late to everything, and then I pretend that it doesn't matter.
23. I'm selfish, and self-centered.
24. If it inconveniences me, there is a good chance I am not going to do it.
25. Even though I worked in fast food and remember how hard it was and how bad people treated me, I still get angry at them for things like fucking up my really picky orders.
26. If you cross me, I will fuck you over in a bad way.  Seriously.
27. I am a grade A attention whore.
28. I get mad at people for having an opinion different than mine, even when it's within their right.
29. I can't take any criticism about myself without becoming emotional.
30. My maturity is basically a facade - I am a child with a temper tantrum inside.
31. I only open up to an extent to people.  When it comes down to it, NOBODY really knows me or gets me, and even the ones who get close, I start disliking because they know too much about me.
32. I assume that anyone who doesn't act like they adore me hates me, and therefore I start hating them.
33. My house is always a cluttered wreck and it doesn't bother me unless I have company coming over.
34. I'm bad about cleaning the litter box for my cats.
35. I used to be a cutter and I wish I still did cut.
36. I enjoy the attention I get from random guys out at bars.  I think I'm probably a slut stuck in a relationship.
37. I hold grudges for a long time.
38. The standards I have for myself do not meet the standards I have for other people.
39. At one point, nobody could count on me to keep plans.  I am better, but I still have a tendency to call and cancel at the last minute.
40. I bitch about my problems with no intentions of listening to advice.
41. Sometimes if I don't have to see anyone for a few days, I don't shower, let alone do my hair or wear makeup.
42. Kids annoy me.  The ages of 3-10 are the absolute worst.
43. I have, on occasion, kicked, hit and thrown my cats as a result of them pissing me off.
44. I cuss constantly.  "Fuck" is my word of choice.
45. I honestly believe that super religious people are brainwashed idiots.
46. I'd rather fight than be ignored.
47. I eat junk food and rarely exercise and then complain about being overweight.
48. I use the words "always" and "never" in my relationship fights all the time.
49. I still haven't explicitly told my father I'm bisexual.  I don't know if I ever will.
50. Between this list and everything else, I realize how much a waste of space I am.

This isn't for pity.  I want to change.  But in order to change, I have to be honest.

Case closed.