Why I'm never eating dairy again (rant)

Warning: This post is all about poop and vomit.  Seriously.  If that bothers you, avert your eyes now!  The graphic nature of this post is intended to scare my ass and serve as a reminder.

I wouldn't say every time, but most times that I eat processed dairy products, I end up regretting it in one way or another.  This time, I'm regretting it out of both ends and all angles.  (Haha, joke.  Funny.  Yeaaah.)

All of my life, I've had what I would call an abnormal bowel pattern.  I go through stages where I have diarrhea for a week, and then another week of constipation.  I spend more time than most sitting on the pot doubled over in pain.  In fact, my favorite version of this is when I alternate between diarrhea and puking my guts out, which typically happens at least once every few months.  This was my case tonight.

Because of the move coming up really soon, we decided to buy frozen food and easy to make things because it was going to be easier than getting a bunch of pots and pans dirty to prepare things.  Tonight we ate the three cheese frozen pizza.

One word: Mistake.

Around 3 am, I wake up with a horrible headache, so I drink a glass of water and down a couple of Excedrin.  I figure it's related to my pillow situation, so I get my really squishy and fat pillow and use it instead of the puny one.  A wakes up, I tell him about the headache and he rubs my head and neck for awhile until I feel better.  About an hour later, my stomach starts getting that urge, so I head to the bathroom to do my thing.  Of course, it's diarrhea.  As usual, the pain barely subsides as I release my bowels.  Meanwhile, I feel some vertigo and malaise.  And, again typical, I feel the need to throw up.  It takes about three heaves before I produce anything, clearly indicating that I'm hurling from my intestines rather than my stomach.  Also, there is little acidity to the puke.  The vomitus in question is light yellow and fluffy with specks of spices - definitely the cheese from the above-mentioned pizza is the culprit.  I alternate between being on my ass and knees for about 3 hours, only getting back to the bed for 15 minute stretches before heading back to the bathroom.

I don't know if I have IBD, but I definitely have IBS at this point.  Before today, I've only had one solid stool in the last 2 weeks.  I chalked it up to being on antibiotics, but maybe it's deeper than that.  I'm also pretty sure that I have some degree of lactose intolerance (most people do) and that exacerbates my problems.  I'm probably going to be going to the doctor on campus this week and talking to them about it before I'm not able to go for an entire summer.  I don't even know what I'm going to do because I don't have health insurance...and it's just ridiculous at this point with all of the gastrointestinal problems I have.

If I don't feel good in an hour, I'm not going to class.  I can't sit there and focus and deal with this.  I'm eating a banana and trying to not give myself a panic attack, but it's hard.

All I want to do is cry.  I hate this so much.